Aging is inescapable.
Since our culture tries to deceive us that we can in fact stay young forever, no one really wants to confront this obvious reality. Growing older and showing any signs of slowing down can be seen as a weakness or even incompetence. We all want to age gracefully and remain who we are and maintain a sense of independence. However, as a community, we have traditionally cherished our elders and did not see aging as a punishment.
Those who had walked the road ahead of us gave sage insights, and of course, were integral in the formation of our faith. However, now it seems that in denying the reality of aging, we are no longer seeking wise spiritual counsel. Instead, the accomplishments of the secular world are so invasive that it is only when faced directly with the limits of our physical bodies that we remember a grace in aging and the dignity of elderly human life.
I have come to realise in this season of my life that many of my most cherished elders have died. Those who, like my maternal grandmother, were essential in shaping my faith and who also lived by the power of the Holy Spirit are no longer walking with me in this temporal reality. Therefore, through my own process of aging, I wonder who will be there when I am most vulnerable?
As Catholics, and especially as Black people, we are to “bear one another’s burdens” and maintain community. However, in a world of deadlines, traffic congestion, career goals, family life, marriage, and the like, we can simply forget our elders or the fact that the day will come when we can produce no more but instead will require support.
Our society generally does not discuss aging as a grace. Traditionally, this has been the opposite within Black communities. If it were not for great-grandmothers, great-grandfathers, grandmothers, great aunts, and so many others, there was a real possibility of the loss of our Black Catholicity and the importance of the faith, which sustains us.
This underpins the importance of parish life. Within the parish, we all come to form the ecclesia and worship our Lord. In this space, we see people of all stages of life and they also support us as pilgrims through this journey of life on earth. Moreover, in this kind of community, where our elders are valued, aging is imbued with honour and significance.
In the current Catholic moment, however, parishes are closing and we have to travel farther to reach our various communities. As a consequence, the idea of community has simply decreased in value.
No one wants to discuss the reality of our own mortality, at least not in the manner our elders did so eloquently. Many will deny the reality of aging until they are at the bedside of a loved one who, once vibrant, lies helpless. In moments such as this, our faith as Catholics is tested, since it is not uncommon to ask: Why is this person suffering? If this happens to me, who will be there as a support?
Should we as Catholics ask to die in peace without any suffering, or should we ask to die in the love of Christ? The elders in our communities knew the answer. They would speak of “going home to be with the Lord.” There was no fear of death or dying or aging as they welcomed being in the embrace of God. I think with the loss of many elders in our community, this awareness has nearly left our consciousness as we become busy with the tasks of life. We can forget that our living is to live in the will of God, not to accomplish life goals.
The Black community always had reverence for its elders, since they lived the faith and knew that the temporal world is actually a preparation for an eternity with Jesus. Our elders saw death as the next state of experience, not the end of our soul. Black Catholics have always been on the road to sanctity, as they long to be with the Creator. Aging was not a punishment but a beacon, testifying to our faith.
Mentally and spiritually, I am seeking greater understanding when it comes to my salvation in Christ. I now have a heightened sensitivity that as I age and approach the end of life, I am also on my journey to Jesus. The journey is back to the one who makes all life possible. Let us never forget the wisdom of the elders, as we all want to journey and go to our eternal home.
Tamika Royes has fifteen years of experience in the social services sector in various roles. She has been a tireless advocate of justice causes, beginning in high school. She is currently pursuing a post-graduate certificate at Assumption University.
