In Holy Scripture, the Lord proclaims, “In visions I will reveal myself to you. In dreams I will speak to you.” (Numbers 12:6)
God’s promise is not limited to some but extends to us all. As an African-American Catholic religious sister for 76 years, I know firsthand how God’s revelations, his calling us and communicating with us directly, manifests. He speaks to our particular conditions, meets our very needs, and heals our human shortcomings.
Years ago, for instance, I had an ongoing struggle to forgive someone who at every opportunity, as we worked together, seemed to cause me great distress both consciously and subconsciously.
I was told that our dreams help to alleviate unpleasant happenings of the day or deep-seated negative experiences. I do not know if I truly believed this or not until a dream I experienced one Thursday night convinced me that it was possible.
My dream setting was in my childhood parish church with a large crowd of people standing beneath the Cross of Jesus; my mother was standing beside me. Jesus’ eyes were closed. He wanted us to show him by our facial expression, without saying a word, that we loved him. While trying, my dream ended.
On Friday night, the dream continued. Jesus revealed the depth of his love for us, and for the first time, I experienced his self-communication in the depths of my soul. Our hearts, mine and the Lord’s, related to each other and created an unbelievable bond of love. He saw my unforgiving heart as I struggled to reconcile and forgive the individual who so intentionally and with such calculated malice had caused me so much anguish—so much so that years later, the effects had not dissipated. Forgiveness, then, was a real cross and struggle for me.
In my dream, Jesus from his Cross taught me how to forgive. If he loved me enough to forgive my wrongdoings, I, too, must forgive. I knew that I had to grow in my relationship with Jesus as that would affect my ability to forgive as he forgives me daily.
“Our personal relationships with God begin through an affective awareness of God’s love,” Mercy Sister Maureen Conroy says well in her compelling book, “Experiencing God’s Tremendous Love.” What a profound encounter, when Jesus on the Cross that Friday night opened His eyes and stared directly into mine! He knows me! Without speaking, Jesus’ eyes spoke a million words. I experienced comfort, forgiveness, mercy, peace, compassion and love. And remarkably, after all those years, I forgave the individual who had distressed me so deeply.
“God does not need words to reveal compassionate love,” Conroy says. I know that Jesus had given me Himself! He seemed to say, “Do not thank me. Thank my Father for me.” It was at that moment that my heart changed—I was converted! I began to sob so uncontrollably that I woke up, only to realize that I was dreaming. Yet it was so much more than a dream. It was real! That experience never left me. The dream made me aware that my struggles can never be greater than my Helper who loves me. This is precisely the reconciliation and peace of mind, heart, and spirit I’ve arrived at through God’s grace and communication.
This growth was made possible through the Flourishing Sisterhood project, sponsored by the Conrad N. Hilton Foundation, and implemented by the Loyola Institute for Ministry in New Orleans. Now aged 91, I have participated in this program for the past two years. It has given me an opportunity to further deepen my spirituality and knowledge of everything from practical theology, spirituality for flourishing, and spirituality of aging to storytelling and praxis.
The opportunity to reflect, share my story, and explore forgiveness in this way has been a true source of flourishing for me. It has also helped me remember with gratitude all the Lord has done for me over my 76 years as a religious sister, during which I have had various missions: teaching for 40 years (in Louisiana, Texas, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, and Tennessee), integrating two schools (St. Rita’s Elementary School in Alexandria, Louisiana, and St. James Catholic School in Pittsburgh), serving as principal, and traveling to and leading pilgrimages to the Holy Land, Medjugorje (where we saw the apparition of the Blessed Mother), Rome, Fatima and Lourdes.
God has been with me through it all. To say “Thank you” and “I love you, Lord” is a gift. These experiences and God showing me how to forgive are just a fraction of all he has done for, with, and through me. I am certain my powerful experiences of being touched by God’s grace, love, and forgiveness will enable me to listen with understanding as I encounter those who have similar struggles with unforgiveness and who are looking for visible indications of God’s love.
As we confront challenges in the world, may we experience an encounter with Jesus and a revelation of his love that leaves us with an indelible mark of what it means to have a compassionate heart; recognize and show compassion for those struggling with suffering; and know firsthand the ways God reveals himself and conveys his love—whether through dreams and revelations, acts of grace, or compassion.
My constant prayer is that I and each of us will always allow Jesus’ love to guide our labored journeys to and with our Father. I also pray that all hatred and unforgiveness in us will dissipate, practices of injustice will become acts of justice, and conflict-making tendencies will become peace-making aspirations.
May others, as I have, encounter and know God’s presence and tremendous love, grace, forgiveness, and compassion. May our willingness to forgive, to listen for God's voice, and to recognize his presence in every season of our lives be the very path by which we come to truly flourish—in his love, in his mercy, and in his call.
Sr Mary Charlotte Rubit, SSF is a Sister of the Holy Family. At the tender age of 8, she was called to religious life, entering the convent at 15. She earned her bachelor’s and master’s degrees from Seton Hill and Catholic Universities, respectively. A religious sister for 76 years, she has served God on various missions. She taught for 40 years, served as a principal and in administrative leadership, and integrated two schools. She also led countless pilgrimages to the Holy Land, Medjugorje, Rome, Fatima and Lourdes.
